Hair Pulling Doesn’t Feel So Lonely Anymore
Living With Hair Pulling
For years, I believed hair pulling was something only I struggled with.
I started pulling hair pulling from my scalp at the age of 21, 33 years ago, relatively late.
For most people it starts in their teenage years. It began with splitting hairs, and in the process I suddenly came across thick or curly hairs and would pull them out.
Slowly it intensified and became a habit. When I started, there were no support groups and I mostly coped on my own.
I didn’t even know it had a name.
The Shame Cycle
Of course, I tried every possible treatment.
Over the years I learned that for me it comes in waves:
- Pulling to the point of bald spots
- Reaching rock bottom
- The feeling that it can no longer be hidden
- And then somehow I manage to stop - mainly if I returned to therapy
- Then there is a break and the hair recovers, and here I promise myself that this time I won’t let it deteriorate
And of course, it comes back.
This time as well I had reached my lowest point, and I could no longer hide the bald spots.
I couldn’t get out of the loop and started looking for a group of people with the same problem on Facebook.
Discovering I'm Not Alone
I found a Trichotillomania Facebook group, there I came across the SoloUno app and installed it.
It helped me get out of the loop.
How long will it last? Who knows.
Usually when there is a break, the urge disappears for a time.
I haven’t managed to reach conclusions about why it happens and why it comes back.
There are periods when I’m under stress, and if I’m in a break then there is no urge.
Acceptance Instead of Perfection
Following the group, I understood that it is very difficult to get out of this cycle.
But on the other hand, maybe acceptance is also something reducing pressure.
Looking Forward
When the urge returns - and I assume it will return - I will try to use the app to monitor when it happens and take advantage of all the help it offers.
This is something new to me.
The group I got to know also helped me understand that I am not alone, and that we are all ordinary people with a problem.
At the moment I am already up to 60 days without pulling - amen that it will continue this way.
